At the Reiki 1 class that I mentioned in my last post, our teacher began by asking each of us why we were there. I have a hard time speaking on the spot, and just my luck! I was first to go. I explained that I had quit my job to start a tarot business, and I wanted to get a better grasp on the basics of energy work. As I listened to the other students share their reasons for joining the class, though, I realized that I had given a surface answer.
On some level, yes. I had signed up for the class because I wanted to gain knowledge that I could incorporate into my tarot practice, but beyond that — the reason I even decided to go into tarot is that I have this nagging feel at the back of my soul that I am meant to be a healer in this lifetime. I have taken baby step after baby step toward this path, but I also know that there is sometimes still a sliver of a skeptic that lives inside of me. Thinking about how I felt while driving out to the class (a mixture of excitement and, “Wow, I hope I didn’t just waste a bunch of money on nothing and don’t even feel anything that resonates”)…I think the best answer to the question about why I was there would be that I took that class to prove to myself that what I am doing is real. I was looking for confirmation that I am really meant to heal.
We started by going through a series of exercises in basic energy work: activating our chakras, cleansing our aura, centering and grounding ourselves, and shielding. He also taught us how to look at someone’s aura. It felt like I was finally getting guided, practical experience in all of the concepts I have learning the theory behind through New Earth Mystery School. I genuinely needed that because as I found out while practicing the exercises, I am perfectly capable of sensing energy and commanding it in the way I intend to. It’s just that I tend to question if I’ve even done it afterward. There were several times that my teacher asked how I felt or if I had done what was asked of us, and my response was to say “I’m not sure”. He would just chuckle and tell me I had already done it. My biggest blockage is simply in confidence.
The most affirming moments I had were when we had the chance to practice a reiki session on one of our classmates. We started with body scanning, which is when we feel around to sense what areas of the body have negative energy that need to be worked on. He told us that we would sense a difference in temperature, either hot or cold, when we come across the areas. As it turns out, though, I was the only one who didn’t sense either of those changes — what I sense as an energy worker is a change in the vibration/frequency. It felt like a slight tingle to me. Our teacher would come around to double check what we were sensing, and it felt good to have what I sensed be validated by someone who has been doing this work for so long. I think that allowed me to relax more into the experience and really trust that what I was doing was “real”.
There was also a moment during the reiki session where we were asked to visualize the reiki energy flowing like a river over our client. Our job was to find stones in that river and remove them. I’m not going to lie — the first time I did this, I felt like I was BS-ing! I was grateful that the teacher did not call me out in any way at that time. Although, looking back, maybe I had actually done it but I wasn’t trusting myself in the moment. Either way, the second time I did this exercise, I ended up shocking myself in a pleasant way. I really ground into myself and felt for the stones…and when I reached out for them, it felt the same as when you’re holding a very strong magnet next to something magnetic. It was a palpable push/pull feeling, and I removed it. Afterward, my partner told me that she could feel the energy and heat coming from my hands. She said it felt like they were perfectly placed at all times. That was so good to hear!
What I did not realize is that I would be leaving the class as a certified healer! At the end of the class we received our attunements, which is an energetic initiation that only a Reiki Master can give to new healers. I can now officially practice reiki on myself and others. I have to laugh a little bit at this experience because I am reminded of a lesson I’ve heard in so many places, but I’m thinking mostly of how Alan Watts describes it. Which is that the true purpose of a guru is to remind you that you never needed a guru in the first place. So I left the class “certified” to heal and with a knowledge of energy work…But I was already capable of doing this healing work, in one form or another, just second-guessing myself the whole way through. What I really left with was a confidence that I can continue to build on.
Well…I think that’s all I’ll be musing on today. If you’ve made it this far, thank you, dear reader. I hope you were able to take something positive from this post. ♡
theburiedgold 